January 20, 2015

How Long Will I Love You



Feeling a lil down this 2 days after a long and productive weekend with my loved ones(well I've been trying to keep myself really occupied so I have no time to think, but I'm also complaining I didn't have enough time spend at home); along with the news of Jay Chou getting married, I didn't know I could feel that much because all this while I just simply ignored the news. But here's the conflict — it's happy and sad at the same time to know someone you kinda grew up listening to, eventually got married while you're still stuck at the same zone.

I'm always laughing on the outside. It does make me looks like a joyful person. But at the end of the night, when I'm all alone, the more emptiness I feel. I'm grateful I have friends who cared me more than I do. Little things they do always come by surprise. I'm careless, forgetful, and not as thoughtful as everyone else is. I can be very sentimental & maybe I should just hide that side of me because it might scares people away. No one likes negative people and I wanted to remain as the optimistic one around them.

Actually there isn't any particular stuff I'm feeling emotional about. It just happened to be one of the moments in life you have to feel so. I can't afford a getaway right now because of my intention of leaving the country as soon as I can. But when will I be able to do so? I've been going through old photos to remind myself how such a happy and DGAF kinda person I used to be. It's depressing to know how much one person can change you entirely when you're with them and when you're out, you feel like a completely new person.

January 1, 2015

Goodbye 2014

Littlemy

It's 4 in the morning.

I'm having a lot of sentimental feelings especially tonight. I also have some thoughts about what made me become who I am today — a tough(I must say, compared to other girls) and independent person. I'm guessing it started when I was at the age of 15. Something happened to my family and it changed the way I see life so differently. At that time, almost everything seemed hopeless, but I was fearless because I realised I was the only one who can stand up for myself. It's actually something I've left forgotten but it strikes me today that it could be the reason why my personality is just so different from my siblings. I've become more rebellious and stubborn in many ways, even until today. I'm also the kind of person who can cry and laugh the next minute.

Well, 2014 had been well. I love that families get to spend more time together and all the regular catchups with friends that mean a lot to me. 2015 is like another new book, it's about starting new and fresh again. Saying goodbye to all the mistakes and regrets, I hope this year is a year that I can get to know myself deeper and discover more of the old happy me.

Goodbye to you, good bye to everything I thought I knew.
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