It's been 2 weeks since the birth of Alyssa. I could still remember the earthy scent of her when she first handed to me fresh from vagina. Still find it hard to believe I actually did it. I can't say I have finally overcome the fear of labour, but thank god this whole new level of pain tolerance and childbirth experience is finally over!

Crying Out Loud

Initially I wanted to have all natural childbirth(it makes complete sense why I signed up for hypnobirthing class), we decided to get induction due to low amniotic fluid on 39W1D. From anxiety to fear, then I was completely traumatised. The pain came too quickly I wasn't able to breathe through it. Getting any form of pain relief was never part of my plan because I'm really afraid of needles and the side effects. I almost do though, the pain was so intense I nearly ask to be killed. I found myself persistently inhale on laughing gas. At about 6PM, labour was progressing real slow so they decided to put me on Pitocin to speed things up. Fast forward to 8:30PM I was told to get ready to push. Active labour lasts for about 3 hours, so I was considered very, very lucky as a first-time mum!

Bath Time!

Unfortunately I didn't manage to practise hypnobirthing skills I learned from class, but the rainbow relaxation music is extremely helpful to put me to sleep through my pregnancy. I also did the perineum massage and kegel exercises very regularly—it is said to reduce chance of tearing and episiotomy. So there's no tear & stitches for me I can still walk like a champ after delivery!

I made a public confession to thank Joe for being such a wonderful husband on FB the other day & I didn't mention about the hospital staffs. I wouldn't have done it without them too. I was really lucky to have a bunch of helpful, compassionate, supportive and patient midwives and nurses. I felt like I owed it so much to them especially when I was so vulnerable in the labour room. I didn't know the voice of nurses can be so comforting in the midst of chaos. It's amazing to see how they can handle the worst side of me when we're complete strangers. And my gynae Dr Nic, of course! I love him! My very crucial 3 days after delivery is very smooth sailing. My postpartum recovery is going well, so is my breastfeeding journey.

Breastfeeding is really not easy. Breast engorgement and cracked nipples are yet another whole new experience of pain. I was suffering in pain in my first week I felt so resisted to have baby latch on me. I was also stressed not having enough of milk supply. I didn't want to give up even Joe told me to, as I know breast milk is the best food I can give to my baby.

Save me, mummy!

Childbirth is indeed a very rewarding experience. It's probably strange to have this come out from my mouth but yeah, I'm already looking forward to have another child but when the day comes, I look forward to handle labour with a peace of mind.
Happy Birthday Baby Tofu!

I'm so happy we managed to throw Tofu a mini birthday celebration at home last weekend before we send her off to nanny(haha) in preparation of the day and my admission to confinement centre for a month. I have been telling baby to stay good and well so that I can celebrate with Tofu JJ before her arrival, not really a believer in belly talk but guess she heard me!

Loves of my life!

This year had been all about anxieties—pre-wedding depression, pregnancy anxiety, house hunting/moving pressure... Arghhh how can all the life's big events are happening in a year? We have been counting down since last Q4, seriously. Before one get checked off the list there's always something new coming up next. I'm glad everything is coming to an end before next Q3(?), I hope! I'm type A person, I get panic attack and stressed easily. For that, I'm truly & deeply blessed to have such a patient husband like Joe by my side.

Since I quitted my job before the wedding(hence I'm very poor) and was really bothered with pregnancy sickness for the first 5 months, it was really the most horrible experience in my life. Which is why I owed it so much to Tofu and I'm also thankful for her. With a new family member on her way and soon planning to move into a new house, any financial situation must be taken into account for every decisions we make. And since I'm no longer making decisions on my own, there's always something we/I need to sacrifice for one another—here comes challenging part of marriage, I'm so used to be independent and it has always been about me and myself.

How time flies, I'm in the last weeks of my pregnancy already. Lil cupcake is still actively punching and kicking to the extend I sometimes feel like puking. I'm still scared and worried, at the same time I'm getting very impatient already. Everyone is showing so much love to her before she's even born, I can't imagine how well pampered she's going to be.